I meant to post this a while back but felt I needed to simmer on it. I wrote it from a rambling place of sadness and pain. So I think I wrote this a month ago. Since then, happy events have happened, but the pain of missing those who have passed is still here.
For Christmas, my Aunt Ellie (not blood/legally related in any way but friendship and love), the wonderful, loving, amazing widow of Uncle Alan, gave a select group of women necklaces. The necklace is a simple silver chain with an angel wing. She said the only catch to the necklace was that you think of Alan when you wear it. I've worn it everyday.
A MONTH AGO
A few weekends ago, I went to church for the first time in a long time. I don't have a good excuse for not going, just been lazing about on my Sunday mornings. But today I went and in listening to the second reading, something caught my ear. "The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death" which is 1 Corinthians 15:26. It caught my ear for a few reasons 1) a dear friend was nearing death after beating back so many illnesses in his life and 2) I swear I'd read it in Harry Potter. Mind Blown.
"THE LAST ENEMY THAT SHALL BE DESTROYED IS DEATH"
In the last week, since Friday, December 5th, three people that my family were close with have passed away, one from each of the aforementioned (in the title) ugly diseases. And frankly, I'm mad. I'm mad that these wonderful, kind, sweet people had to endure such injustice. Further, since before Thanksgiving, a few more have passed. I know people die every day and it comes in waves as far as who you know, but sitting here, all I feel is anger. And sadness for the families. And a tiny bit of relief for their loved ones. As much as the deceased suffered, their families had to watch them suffer. Their passing has given a relief. Life will never, ever, EVER be the same, or go back to "normal" but at least now they know that the pain and suffering is over.
I'm rambling. I have a thousand thoughts running through my mind right now. I don't want to come off as insensitive so I'm just going to write.
Uncle Alan, you were one of the best humans to ever walk this planet. You were one of my parents very best friends and you made them better through your friendship. The crazy in love relationship you had with your wife, the lovely Elinor, was evident until the very end. I'm sorry I didn't spend more time with you. Thank you for letting me call you "uncle" even though I had no relation to you besides friendship. You were a brother-in-law to my godfather, but you were more than that. I could see the sadness in his eyes. My dad and John are two of the strongest men I know and to see them sad and near tears at times cut through me. To see you suffering after everything else you'd been through cut through me. We love you so much.
Sandra, you were a light in this world. I haven't seen you in year and years, since your family moved away, but the power of Facebook kept our worlds connected, if only through posts and pictures and status updates from your family. I know my mom's been praying for you since your diagnosis and I'm so sad that you're gone. But like your husband said, I'm happy that you got to witness your two daughters getting married and hold your sweet grandchild, if only for a short time. He will know who you are.
Grandpa Phil, another family friend who we adopted as just plain family. It's been some time since I saw you before you got sick, but I always referred to you as grandpa. Your mind was stolen away by a vile disease, but your family will never forget your warmth and love. Grandma Ginger holds you in her heart and I know I have a few fond memories to look back on. We'll take care of everyone down here.
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