It's a funny thing...

...how a place that at one time seemed so foreign and daunting now feels more like home than anything else. And no I'm not talking the house I live in. I'm talking about the student lounge in my department's building. Anyone who is reading this and knows what I'm talking about will agree. My first semester here, I didn't know it existed. Well, I knew it was here but I never went in it and thought it was a place for others. Then I discovered it last semester and would spend my breaks in there. Now if I'm not in class, I'm in the lounge, chatting with anyone who is in there, working on homework or just relaxing before my next class or meeting. Friends and I have even joked about getting bunk beds or a pull out couch in there because all of us spend so much time in there and there's really not any place comfortable to lay down and take a quick nap.

Anyways, I digress. This time last year was the first time I stepped into this building and felt unsure if I would fit in. This semester, my 3rd here, I walked in and nearly hugged the wall because I've been away from it for 5 weeks. It just feels like home. Even when I go to a class in a different building and come back here for my next class, this is the building that just feels familiar. The faces and everyone there just feels comfortable. It's a good feeling.

School Time!

Today I am officially a "senior" in college. For me, my senior year will be just that...one year. Two semesters but instead of a winter break in between, it will be a summer. I have it worked out that if I take 5 classes this semester (which I am, after a lot of last minute juggling) and do my study abroad over the summer (which I am) I only have 4 classes to take come Fall semester and then I will be DONE. Thank goodness.

Last night I lay in bed contemplating this coming semester. It's going to be one of a lot of challenges, both personal and professional. I thought about how even though I am 21 years old now, I still get excited for the "first" day of school. I couldn't fall asleep last night because I was so excited. But it was a different excitement from when I was a kid. This was excitement at getting my school routine back on track and seeing old friends and meeting new ones. It's a craving for stability. This is the last year of that school stability. After December, I don't have that anymore and will have to find a job "stability" to have a routine with. But for now I can just enjoy this.

I also thought this morning that in May I will have been out of community college for 2 years. And in June out of high school for 4. It's a strange thing to think about seeing as high school graduation seems like a lifetime ago and community college a shorter lifetime ago. So much has happened since I was in those places and I barely remember how life was then. I can't imagine my life different from how it is now. Even living on my own was such an easy transition for me, even though I do get very homesick now and then, especially now. It's only 2 p.m. but I've already talked on the phone with my mom twice today. I just wish I was closer to home so I could just pop in for a visit every so often.

So today is the first day of school....again. I have two classes; one in the afternoon and one in the evening. It's the dreaded night class but seeing as I have already done a reading assignment for it, it sounds pretty interesting. It's the Senior Capstone Seminar for my minor even though I've only taken one other class to do with my minor. And it's going to be fun. I have to add the class (this is the juggling I mentioned before) and as a result have already emailed back and forth with the professor so I know he's at least a nice guy. After today I'll have an inkling about how he is as a teacher.

So as I should be paying attention to my teacher who is going on about the syllabus (which I've already read and have heard about this whole class from friends who have taken it already) I will sign off now. More for later. I am forewarning you on some stressed out posts to come between now and May. Possibly through December. So until next time...later!

I can breathe easy again

I spoke to my mom this morning. She sounded tired and said she was in pain but I was just happy to hear her voice again. She should be there for a few days then home on bed rest for around 6 weeks. A friend of ours was there with her keeping her company since my dad and sister are at work and school. That is what I love the most about our group of friends. No matter what, someone is going to be there. And we would do the same, and have, for them. I miss that. But I have a great group of friends at school as well, so it's blessings all around. I'm trying to figure out a weekend that I can go home to see my mom in the next six weeks but not getting my hopes up. Right now the priority is to work as much as I can and start the new semester off on the right foot.

Another reason I am breathing easy again is I finally got my car to a repair shop and now have a rental car. It's amazing what a simple vehicle can do for one's sense of self and independence. I just hope my car gets back to me fast so life can go back to normal. The repair shop gave me an estimate of around a week to a week and a half but I hope that it goes as fast as possible, while still doing a good job. This experience has made me never, ever want to be in another accident again. It's much too stressful.

Also, it's been raining pretty steadily for the last 48 hours. It's stopped for now but this morning around 5 am I woke up to thunder and a flash of lightning. Most people would hate this. I'm strange and I absolutely love, love, love thunderstorms. It's almost a comfort to me. I fell right back asleep to the sound of rumbling and rain pouring down. My best friend is the exact opposite. Once, when I was visiting her, there was a thunderstorm and the next thing I know she's on the airbed with me shaking like crazy. I guess that's why we're best friends.....we're completely opposite in some ways. Ok well that's all for now. Mom's ok, car is getting better and we're getting much needed rain. Bring on the new semester.

This week

This week has been a rough one for me. Although it could have been worse. And it's my own fault. I got into a minor accident that has left me temporarily without a car and that alone stresses me. I have always been an independent being and from the time I got my license and my first car, I have run all of my own errands and gotten myself places. Relying on my roommate and friends, even though they say it's no problem, makes me feel like I'm a burden. To this my mom says to forget it and remember all the times when I have driven friends places and done favors without expecting a return. So now I wait so I can bring my car in to get fixed and I pray that I don't have to wait too long for it to be returned to me.

On top of this, my mom is having a routine procedure on Monday. And I say routine because it really is a common procedure now. However, I still worry. And maybe it's because I just spent a few weeks at home and got used to having my family, especially my mom around, that it's so hard to imagine myself not there for when she goes into recovery. I know she will be fine, but the worrier (and I am) in me takes over. I just wish I was home or that home were closer to where I live now so it would be easier to see them.

Now I don't usually cry over movies or songs, but one song caught me so off-guard when I first heard it that I cried. And I still do, even when I know I'm about to click on it to listen to it. That song is Taylor Swift's "Best Day". That song is a near-perfect representation of my relationship with my mom. She is truly my best friend and I confide in her for pretty much everything. I was on the train yesterday going to a meeting and it came up and without even knowing it, I started to tear up. Being in such a public place, I didn't want to cry so I quickly changed it. But the words hung in my mind all day. Luckily a friend invited my roommate and I out to dinner and a movie and I didn't have time after the meeting was done and I was home to really sit down and have a good cry. I don't know why I get so emotional so easily now.

So I am going to leave you with this...another song that has truly got me thinking. It's Kris Allen's "Live Like We're Dying". It's a message that I know already but I haven't heard a song that really hits me like this. If you haven't heard it or can't exactly remember the words, look it up. Listen to the lyrics. And really listen to them.

New Year...New Year's Resolution?

Ok so for the past few years I have resolved NOT to make a resolution for the new year because I have felt that it's just an empty promise to myself. I actually have one this year and for good reason. I have resolved that I am going to go to church at least twice a month. Now as most of you know, I'm Catholic and have always been very involved with church and always go every weekend. At least I do when I'm home. I have only been to mass once since being up at school and that was Easter Sunday and that good ol' Catholic guilt propelled me there. But being home for a few weekends and going to church a handful of times made me miss it. And there is no reason for me not to go to Sunday mass. There is a perfectly good Catholic church just 5 minutes from my house at school and I can easily get my butt up in time for mass. I just feel like I should. It makes me feel safe when I'm in church. I guess I haven't gone to a different church other than my home church because I was scared that it just wouldn't be the same. But no place is the same as what you're used to. Everything is different. It has to be. If everything was the same, there would be no exploration or really any need to. That's what's so great about the world. Every place is different and you can go and experience new things. So I resolve to go to church at least twice a month.

Happy New Year!

Well it's another new year. And another new decade. This past year has definitely been one of a lot of changes. For starters, in January I finally started at a university. Moved away from home and moved into a dorm with 2 strangers I had never met in my entire life. Was left to find my way around a new city, a new region. Classes that were harder than any I had ever done before and for the first time ever, I was in a place where I did not know anyone. Now, I can't even imagine life without the people I have met along the way. All of them, and if you know me at all, you know that I manage to meet way too many people for my own good. The first semester went well. After never having roommates before, I discovered that all those lessons on cleaning up around the house actually stuck with me. Also learned that there are some people out there that I don't get along with and never will. I started my first real internship with the Senior Olympics. Summer brought another move with a new roommate and an interesting living experience, but fun nevertheless. The internship sort of ate up my life but the people I met there and the things that I got to do were something that I could not have experienced otherwise. The Games were two weeks of the longest days I've ever worked and I would have not traded it for anything. Then came fall semester and the start of living in yet another new place with a new set of roommates. If I don't move again for at least a year it'll be great for me. This past semester, as I've said before, was THE hardest semester I've ever had. But again the friends that I have made along the way helped me through it. And now, 2009 is over. On to 2010 and more adventures, bigger than I have ever done before. 2 more semesters and a summer abroad. This time in a year I will have a college degree and hopefully a job to start, or at least a few leads on a job. That's the thing... as much as I plan ahead, which I do (just ask my friend Nick, he's always telling me to stop, slow down and enjoy right now)... you can't plan for everything. As much as I would love to plan my summer down to the detail, I can't. And that's one of the main things I learned this year. I learned to let things happen on their own and not try to control everything, because attempting to do that just makes me crazy. SO with that I wish you all a Happy New Year and a wonderful year at that.