Such a strange feeling...

       This is my last night in my parents house, in California, until August 20th. How strange is that? I don't even know how to describe what I'm feeling. I'm terrified for one. I've built this summer up so much in my head that I'm scared of anything that can go wrong. And trust me a lot can go wrong. I'm sad. I'm missing out on so much this summer. Mainly, a lot of big stuff for my sister. She's going to her first (and last) prom, graduating from high school, playing her last summer of travel softball, and she'll be away at college across the country by the time I get back from my travels. I won't see her until the day before I graduate college...in December. That is SUCH a long time. And my parents. I know they're happy for me and proud of me but they're also nervous. My mom and I got choked up just buying Euro for my initial days there. She kept repeating everything I still had to do and because I was stressed, I snapped at her. I tend to do that when I'm stressed. A lot. So she gently slapped my arm and said 'hey! this is the first time my daughter's going to Europe for 3 months...be nice.' And right there it hit me. This isn't just happening to me. It's happening to my family. It's a good thing. When she said goodnight to me tonight, I started crying. I cry so easily now. I never cried in high school. I don't know why. But now I can. And as she hugged me, she said 'remember, you've wanted to do this for so long and it's here. It's going to be wonderful.' And it will be. I just hope it's as wonderful as everyone keeps saying it will be.
          And my dad. I know he and I fight. We just butt heads. We operate in different ways and he doesn't understand why I operate and plan the way I do. I know I could be more thorough in my planning and do things earlier rather than later, but I'm still learning. I'm constantly learning. I'm in for a whole summer of intense learning of all kinds. I know he means well...I just wish we could express it easier. I'm going to miss him, but I feel I have to do this on my own. I have to travel on my own. I need to be independent. And when I get back, I need to find a job that will allow me to further become independent. I'm almost 22. By the time my dad was 22, he was with my mom and knew she was the one. He was so independent at such a young age. I compare myself to him, or at least I try. I know I haven't mentioned him much in these posts but I am now. I love my dad. He's the strongest man I know in more ways than one. He probably doesn't realize just how much he's taught me. He doesn't think I listen, but I do. I might not act on what he's saying right away but I do. He grew up so much differently from me. That's kind of a given when you look at the huge differences in our generations. But he grew up so much younger than me. He had to. Sometimes I wish I had grown up faster. I wish I could make him happier and more proud of me. And while I'm wishing, I wish my grandpa (my dad's dad) could see me off. Popi is the one who tried to teach me Italian when I was learning to speak. Unfortunately, I inherited the Italian stubborness and learned the word 'no' far too early. Apparently I would put my hands over my ears when he would try to speak to me in Italian. I regret that now, but as a kid, I really didn't know what I was doing. Ahh wow I really got off track with that huh?
      My last day in California was a simple one. Dentist appointment, stopped by a friends house to visit and visit with her new baby (omgosh I'm in LOVE with that little boy...he's perfect). Home for lunch and more packing (it seemed never ending) and then my sister's bf's playoff baseball game (they lost =(....so sad but it had to end somehow). Over to another friend's to say bye. Then to another friends for some birthday celebrations and seeing some people who I love very dearly and haven't seen in far too long. I consider this family MY family. All of them. I feel like it. In fact, somehow I forgot where the trash was and one of my "aunts" said "come on aly! how long have you lived here?! haha" and it's true. I know that house as best as I know my own. And vice versa. They're family. And I miss them.
    Oh this post is much longer than I thought it would be. It's me procrastinating going to sleep. Because in the morning I have to say goodbye. Thank god for waterproof mascara. Or not wearing mascara at all. In fact, I might just not wear makeup.....or not. Oh I really hate goodbyes. I know they're more like "see you later" but still...ugh I need to shake this off. I need to tell myself what an amazing summer it's going to be and that everything is going to be great. Yeah. Ok I shall now attempt to sleep. It's not going to go well because, well I can't fall asleep when I have NOTHING on my mind. This is big. Ok good night my loves. I will write more later.