At this point, I am in a state of denial. But it's not a bad thing. I am in denial that a week from today I will be leaving for New York and then two weeks from now I will be in Italy. It just doesn't seem real to me. I finally picked up my travel student visa yesterday and looking at that piece of paper clipped to my passport made me realize that I'm actually allowed to go now. The government has granted it so. I have a visa that will allow me to stay in Italy for 90 days. NINETY DAYS! Of course I'm actually only going to be there for 78 but still HOLY CRAP.
I feel like it's not real to me because I still have things to do up at school. I have a few days to study before my finals on Thursday and Friday and tonight is my last night at work before I leave (weird...still not sure if it's my LAST night at work). And I have to pack but I'm realizing that that is not going to take as long as I thought it was. I just have to clear out my closet (which isn't too bad..I don't have that many clothes) and clear off my desk and do last minute laundry. And you just got my to do list that has been running through my mind the last few weeks. Oh and I'm going out with a few friends the night before I leave and none of them can believe it's my last night...they all thought I was leaving NEXT week. Nope, folks, I'm out of here.
And that also makes me sad. I am missing graduation and my missing my graduation I am missing saying good-bye to a lot of friends who are moving on and away from the area. They are graduating...something I would have been doing if I had followed my four year plan. In fact, if I had gone to Gonzaga in the fall of 2008 like I had planned, I would have graduated this past Mother's Day. It's so strange to me how one decision affected the rest of my life. I know that happens all the time but really what if I had gone to Gonzaga? Would I be the person I am right now? I know I would be just with different people in my life and I would maybe be a little more tolerant of the cold. And I would have already studied in Italy because Gonzaga has a campus in Florence. Ahh that would have been nice. But it's in an alternate life that I'll never know anything about.
Another reason for it not feeling real to me just yet is because I still have to go HOME. I am going home for a few days and I get to see my family and a few friends. I have to wrap my brain around how much traveling I'm going to do in such a short amount of time. Drive five hours, fly five and a half, then 10. wooo. All in a week. Yikes. And it really won't hit me that I am LEAVING until my dad drops me off at LAX early Tuesday....and I will for sure cry. No mascara for me that day. And it'll be my dad and oh I will just cry. I am horrible with good-byes. I always cry. I have no idea why. I know I'm coming back. It still makes me sad though.
So this was yet another emptying of my brain. Sometimes I feel that if I don't get it out on "paper" it's just going to sit in my brain all day and drive me nuts. And even though it's in words...it's still going to drive me nuts. So until another day, another post, arrivederci =)
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