A Heavy Heart

Today was a heavy heart day. Today, I went to the funeral of a very dear friend of my parents and another of my group of "second parents." Pat was the wife of a man, Frank, who is forever laughing and smiling and was the mother of a girl my sister's age, Christina, who has carried herself with such maturity and grace through this sad time that I look up to her now. Pat was an angel on Earth and now she's our angel up above. There was not a dry eye at the service, especially mine.

I'm no good at funerals. We all know this. I was a sobbing mess. And I clung to my mom's hand as if I were a child again. I sure felt like it. On a happy day, I hug my mom and least 6 times, probably more. If my dad will let me, I go in for a few. It's how I am. I'm a hugger. And hugs were given out generously today. We all comforted each other. It was a gathering of my second family, of Pat, Frank and Christina's second family. It's the my favorite thing about my church community. We are a family. We celebrate together and we grieve together. No one will grieve more for Pat than her husband and daughter, but as our pastor said today at the service, they are not alone and we surround them.

They used to live just a few doors down from us and I babysat Christina once or twice when she was little. This was back in the "good old days" when Halloween would roll around and we would all gather at someone's house for a pot luck and make a "candy jackpot" (everyone would bring their candy bowls, so our house would have EIGHT candy bowls to grab from). My dad and Frank were both "Frankie B" and are hilarious together. They were and are an amazing little family. I was sad when they moved away, even though we still saw them at church all the time.

A few weeks ago, a group of us said goodbye to Pat on the phone. She passed away due to cancer (that sickening, chill-inducing disease) and spent her last days in the hospital. We gathered in a room at church after mass and sang a few songs to her via speakerphone. Not a dry eye in the room then either. Also, a ton of love. The kind of love that you can feel emanating off of people. The kind of love that people hear about and that you wish you knew. I know it and I know I'm blessed.

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I had to go straight to work after the service. I knew I would be in a funk, but we were so busy when I got there that I just stayed in my funk and seemed distracted and, according to several coworkers, was "way too quiet" to be me. I started to talk about my morning to explain, but as soon as I opened my mouth to speak, my throat closed up and tears threatened. I just offered a small smile and said I was fine. Went back to work and found a smile later on in the evening when a coworker cracked a joke. I know that Pat would want us all to smile. Christina said in her eulogy that her mother would not want us to be sad. Pat was always happy and smiling and gracious and kind. I'll strive to be more like her.

RIP beautiful friend. You will be missed and never forgotten.