Thankful for my Faith

November 6 - Thankful for my Faith

I am what you call "cradle Catholic," meaning that I was baptized barely 2 months after being born. I'm Italian and was born in New York, so of course I come from a big, happy, loud, eccentric family. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't really remember going to church very much when I was really young, but after my family moved to California, we joined a church that had started up the year I was born. It was full of young families (and some old) and that community became MY community. I grew up with the children of those families and count many of them as my "extended family" today. My faith is not so much being Catholic as it is being associated with that parish community. I call myself a "pick and choose" Catholic...I believe in most of the fundamentals of it, but some of it I just can't. And I'm ok with that.

I don't live at home anymore and can count the number of times I've been to mass up here on one hand. I always go to church when I'm visiting home and enjoy the mass, but going by myself up here has literally brought me to tears because it makes me so homesick. I don't need to be IN church to talk to God. More often than not, I find myself talking to him (and my grandfather, who passed when I was 7) while I'm driving. Just to make sure they're watching when I'm driving ;).  In fact, it's almost easier sometimes to talk to my Popi than it is to God. I miss him a lot and his death had me struggling with my faith for a long time. I still question God sometimes today.

My grandfather died of cancer and I know many people who have either died of cancer or survived it. I have a hard time believing that God would take away so many good and wonderful people with this disease. And Popi was so young, only 63. I talk to him almost every single day about anything that is going on. I can only hope that I would make him proud if he were still here today.

I struggled with my faith for a short time. I wasn't sure if it was because I was adjusting to life on my own or that I wasn't sure what to believe. That's when I realized my "pick and choose" faith. I believe in Him and know he's watching me and would never give me something that he didn't think he could handle. He has a plan for me and it's my job in life to trust in Him. He gave me my family and friends so I have a happy life.